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Saturday, December 30, 2006
9:29 PM

Dear Botaks,
I inform you with deep regret that the match against Roger's team tomorrow has been cancelled as the pitch has been flooded. For those of you who read this before the stipulated time for tomorrow's match, good for you and for those who don't I am very sorry.

Thursday, December 28, 2006
5:18 PM

Post Christmas Special x 2

We will be having 2 matches this weekend

1). Alex Sim's Team
Place: Bukit Timah Field One
Time: 9am kick off

2). Roger Ling's YJC Team
Place: North Vista Secondary School
Time: 9am kick off

Please tell me whether you all can make it or not ASAP.

Also, everyone MUST be early for BOTH matches. Remember how last Sat felt? It was because we were early, that's why we could put up a good performance. Hope it will be the same this time, with everyone making it a point to be early. SO I'll see all of you at 830 boots ready on both days.

Mian

Wednesday, December 27, 2006
1:26 AM

Christmas at Alex's - Pics from rita's cam

Friday, December 22, 2006
1:01 AM

Mian-rinho shortlisted for noble prize!!

Botak player manager Mianrinho has been nominated for the Noble Prize Science Award for his invention of soccer boots with attached springs. The break through in science now allows goalkeepers around the world to attain a greater vertical dislpacement with just the minimum amount of energy exerted by their feet.

The product has been tested by some of the top goalkeepers in the World including Oliver Chan, Gianlugi Buffoon, Chong and Abu, all of whom gave glowing assessments of the product.

After a trial with the springs this is what Buffoon had to say:"This is amazing. I can jump all the way to the opponents penalty box and back to my own goal making me a true box to box player. My position on the pitch is no longer restricted to between the posts."

Abu who has been aquitted of all corruption charges against him was also impressed:" What an invention, I can now pick coconuts from the backyard of my kampong with ease!"

Botak number one Chong who has had floater trouble all season had this to say:" This device definitely spares me the blushes with floaters from now on. When I jump I feel like a floater myself. Being in the same frame of movement as the ball I am now able to catch floaters easily."

But the Botak star whom is belived to have benefited the most from this invention is Botak forward Choo:" I can certainly cover more ground now with these springs. This has inspired me to attach springs to the whole of my body so I can totally rid myself of any form of body movment just by manipulating the elasticty of the springs. In fact since I have started using them my superman impersonation has improved by leap and bounds. All that is lacking now is a pair of red underwear that fits me."

Fifa president Sepp Bladder was also full of praise for the Botak manager:" He has done football proud. He has truly set the bench mark for members of the world of football to emulate. I am tingling with anticipation at what mind-boggling inventions we might be able to witness from the footballing fraternity in the future. Just imagine, sticky gloves for goalkeepers or maybe rocket boosters attached to the boots of players. How about a device that is able to tell if a player is lying so that we can remove the element of cheating in football. Or maybe just maybe we can invent a console that allows football teams to play against one another digitally so that we can play a football game without the footballers actually playing. That would be something wouldn't it."

Former Botak great Alex Bald-win also paid tribute to Mian-rinho:" This bears true testament to the genius of the man. If only he can translate this energy and intelligence into footballing tactics and knowledge, I am sure that the Botaks will be out of their slump in no time."

The man himself had this to say about his invention:" It is only natural for a manager to think of the welfare of his players. I was at home thinking about our keeper problem and it just occurred to me that adding springs to their boots would be the perfect foil for all our floater problems. It was a very logical conclusion that even a 3-year-old could have thought of. I am also thinking about inventing a weight loss pill for Choo's ears that can temporaily shrink his ears so that his Soookeee deal will not be compromised; a conditioner for Nokolos that will give his wig a straighter texture and a special depressant for Jain to curb his temper."

In addition to this ground-breaking invention, Mian-rinho has, with the help of centre back Robo-Liang, discovered that having breakfast after a game can possibly enhance the players' performance levels.

After being asked by his star centre back if breakfast before or after matches would optimise a player's performance, Mian-rinho conducted numerous tests with Botak forward Choo and discovered that a player playing with the knowledge that breakfast awaits him at the final whistle can actually increase his playing duration by 500%!

Choo managed to play for 25 minutes instead of 5 after Mian-rinho promised him a half-boiled egg at the final whistle.

When asked about what inspired him to ask this question Robo-Liang had this to say:" It has always been one those burning questions that professional football players ask themselves like will I be able to run faster if I don't wear underwear or if I can hide myself from my opponents if I constantly stay at their blind spot. I just hope this has now cleared the doubts of those who have faced the breakfast dilema."


Is Mian-rinho going to be a scientist instead? Does Abu's kampong actually have coconut trees? Does Robo-Liang wear underwar for matches? What will happen to Abu's extra feet? Who was the Botak who contracted GFC? Is Choo actually Park? Is Kimchi the reason behind Choo's ear fattening? Has Nokolos permanently attached his wig? Is Jain one of the few strong men? All this and more on the next edition of BOTAKNEWS PRIMETIME.

Disclaimer: All above mentioned characters were entirely fictional and total remorsefulness to anyone affected by the above story.

12:56 AM

Abu set for hand transplant

Botak stand in goalie Abu will undergo a hand transplant next week to replace his current set of hands, in an attempt to improve his inconsistent handling of the ball. In a rare medical condition that doctors have termed hand-foot-confusion or HFC, unlike most people, Abu is believed to have feet attached to his wrists instead of hands. Estimations by experts have placed the figure of those affected by the condtion at less than a thousand worldwide. It is also believed that the condition is not a birth defect, but instead affects those who contrive to continuously let in floaters and rolly-pollys over a short period of time.

Initial bribery charges placed against Abu by Fifa were dropped after they came to know of the Botak's number 2's condition. The world's footballing organisation was also quick to release a statement of apology to Abu for accusing him of accepting non-halal food bribes.

In the released statement, Fifa president Sepp Bladder expressed deep remorse and sympathy:" We are greatly apologetic over our rash accusations towards Mr Abu after failing to conduct more extensive investigations regarding his case. Our initial assumptions were that it is impossible for anyone to be able to make such a hassle of catching a slow moving ball unless he is bribed. It was only after the discovery of his peculiar condition did we manage to see the whole truth. It is unfortunate for one of football's sons to be struck by such an illness and we wish him a speedy recovery."

First and only choice keeper Chong, who almost contracted the disorder in the past sympathised with Abu:" It is a really scary disease. A silent killer in fact. I woke up one morning and found that I had toe nails growing on the end of my fingers which is unusual as toe nails usually grow on the end of my toes. After consulting numerous doctors I realised this was one of the early symptoms of HFC. I sincerely wish Abu all the best for his operation."

Team doctor HB had this to say regardiing the illness:" In the early phases of HFC the infected person's hands will start smelling and looking like feet and if not cured in time will become full whole feet similar to those found at the end of each of our legs. It shares the same characteristics as a disease one of our Botaks contracted recently GFC, genital-face-confusion where the face of the victim starts to resemble his genitals. Overweight people ar more inclined to contracting this disease as there is more excess fat for the formation of the facial protrusion."

Due to private reasons the indentity of the infected Botak had to be kept confidential.

Greatly concerned team mate Nokolos provided a few words of wisdom:" I find it very hard to imagine life without hands. A lot of everyday tasks will become ardous missions. For one he won't have enough socks to go around. That will definitely be one of his main problems apart from the fact that he has feet for hands of course."

However the ever optimistic Abu painted a rosier picture of his plight when Botaknews paid him a visit:" Its not as bad as most people think. I am actually thinking of breaking the guiness world record for man with most feet and who knows the illness might work in my favour. I may get a great endorsement deal like Choo after the fattening of his ears. In fact I think this disease will actually improve my claim for an outfield position. Just imagine the kind of stepovers I will be able to conjure."


What will happen to Abu's extra feet? Who was the Botak who contracted GFC? Is Choo actually Park? Is Kimchi the reason behind Choo's ear fattening? Has Nokolos permanently attached his wig? Is Jain one of the few strong men? Has Chong spoken his final words as a Botak? All this and more on the next edition of BOTAKNEWS PRIMETIME.

Disclaimer: All above mentioned characters were entirely fictional and total remorsefulness to anyone affected by the above story.

Tuesday, December 19, 2006
12:48 AM

MATCH CONFIRMED!!!

XMAS SPECIAL
Sat 23 Oct 06
830am Bukit Timah Field
near Sixth Avenue, HCJC that side

all plan to reach by 8am or else Mian-ster will be pissed

Monday, December 18, 2006
5:48 PM

Christmas Special

There is a match on this saturday, 23 December, 9am kickoff.
Bukit Timah Field just outside old turf city.

Opponents are from some church again, so they should be quite powerful with the heavens on their side. However, I believe Saturday we will register a win, simply because we have everything else apart from heaven on our side.

Since it is at Bukit Timah, There Is ABSOLUTELY NO reason that you guys will be late. I want to see everyone at 830am the latest, on the field all changed and ready. This goes out especially to those who are always late. If you guys think it is fashionable to be late well let me tell you... it is not.

Make it a MUST to be on time, because it is simple form of respect for your frens.If you need to get out of bed earlier, DO IT. If you can't even keep a simple promise like that, it SHOWS that you do not value your frens as much as yourself, and take if for granted that they will always be there. Do not expect any respect in turn as well.

There was a period of time when the botaks were early, and we played good football. Let's replicate those days and get back to our winning ways.

Mian

Tuesday, December 12, 2006
1:33 PM

Park Fury with Botak Stars!!!

Manchester United South Korean midfielder Park Ji-Sung is reportedly filing lawsuits against Botak's Nokolas Olivera and Choo for copying his image. Initial reports from Old Trafford are claiming the tireless midfielder is going through a bout of depression after learning about the duo's successful imitation of his unique style and have called in his lawyers to ensure that that the pair are punished for their blatant infringement of copyright laws. It is also believed that Park's family regard the duo's actions as an insult to the family's honour and demand an immediate apology.

Botak's out of form (and shape) striker is however vehemently denying the accusations and claims that the face he currently has is without a shadow of doubt his original face. However, the majority of the public find it hard to believe that anyone can possess such a face unless he is South Korean. Experts from top laboratories around the world have been invited to use samples of Choo's DNA to test if it will actually translate into such a face or if his present appearance is actually a product of top South Korean plastic surgeon Da-Chang-Jin, who has worked on numerous Korean celebrities such as Boa and Harisu.

Botak officials are also conducting investigations on Choo's family lineage in an attempt to prove that he has a trace of South Korean heritage, which may explain the face. The basis of this hypothesis is Choo's great liking for Kimchi and K-Pop.

Regarding these accusations, the Botak forward had this to say:" The reports are absolutely not true. This is my face and I have photos from childbirth till now to prove that the only recent change to my face is the fattening of my ears."

He was also unimpressed by Park's lack of grace:" Mr Park is definitely one very insecure man. I mean Nakata looks so much like Isaac but I don't see Isaac suing Nakata? Or how about Jain. It has long been said that Nicholas Tse is a spitting image of Jain but nobody is complaing there. With the welfare of all parties involved in mind, I hope Mr Park can have a more magnanimous outlook regarding this matter and not make any rash decisions."

Botak's controversial full-back Nokolas Olivera is also reportedly in hot soup over another case of imitation with regards to Park's hairstyle. A spokesman for Olivera has claimed that his hair antics was actually due to Nokolas forgetting to remove his wig after rushing down from a courtcase but further investigation have shown that the curly particles are actually quite firmly attached to his head leading to growing suspicions regarding the validity of his previous statements.

A few strong men were hired to tug at Olivera's so-called wig and so far have only been successfully in removing a handful of it, leading to the belief that his wig might be hair afterall, which in turn implies that Park's accusations might be true.

Nokolos was uncontactable for a statement.

Is Choo actually Park? Is Kimchi the reason behind Choo's ear fattening? Has Nokolos permanently attached his wig? Is Jain one of the few strong men? Has Chong spoken his final words as a Botak? What colour are Choo's nails? Is the hot writer Bradd Pitt? Will Mian-rinho be able to keep his job? Does Choo have a sweaty buttock from wearing multiple underwear? Is Abu eating non-Halal nasi lemak? How many lungs does Choo have? All this and more on the next edition of BOTAKNEWS PRIMETIME.

Disclaimer: All above mentioned characters were entirely fictional and total remorsefulness to anyone affected by the above story.

Friday, December 08, 2006
11:59 PM

Botak Team News Update

Line up for game vs Isac's hall team

Choo Keith
Junwei Melvin JianAn Du
Alex HB KeithBro Nich
Cong

Botaks will be without their sensational player-manager Mian-rinho for tmr's game..striker shaun is also away on international duty at Msia..isac and alex bro will be playing for hall team..

So guys we have juz nice 11 for tmr's game..all be at Seng Kang Sec by 230pm SHARP!!!

WHOEVER LATE WILL GROW TITS!!!

jian

Tuesday, December 05, 2006
3:41 AM

BOTAK UPDATES

Botak manager n fellow botaks welcome the return of KEITH
Shaun turns 21

Monday, December 04, 2006
9:33 PM

Dear fellow Botaks,

I would like to inform u that there mite not be a match on the 10th. It all depends on the availability of a field on the 10th. Anybody able to get a field for the 10th. However there will be a match on the 9th as we are intending to play 2 matches this week as Keith is back. Is anybody unavailable for the 9th game. It is at Seng Kang Sec from 3-5. The team will also be lacking my services for the game but Keith will be around. So yeah.

Teoh

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