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Friday, November 24, 2006
1:10 PM

Yu Chong Agony!

Botak 1st and only choice keeper Chong is currently seeing a psychologist after hearing that he is no longer the Botak's automatic first choice keeper. The veteran custodian who was belived to have been vilified by his manager after attending one birthday party too many was seen leaving the Botak training ground in tears after a meeting with Mian-rinho turnd sour.

Chong, whose commanding performances between the posts have caught the attention of numerous big clubs such as NUS Team, cannot accept the fact that his once unshakable position as the club's number one could be in jeopardy. He was seen catching floaters outside the Botak training ground, to prove that he is still the best keeper in Bishan.

When approached by reporters Chong answered dejectedly:" I have given my heart and soul to this club that I have supported since I was a boy. It feels like a stab in the back to be treated in such a manner. Who are they expecting to play in goal? I have the safest hands in Botakgang."

Botak player manager Mian-rinho was unimpressed by Chong's excuses:"I am very disappointed in the boy. I cannot emphasize the meaning of team spirit enough and his continued abscence makes it hard for me to keep him in a team which I have built upon the values of camaraderie and professionalism. He has to understand that unless it is the birthday of immediate kin or somebody in the team, I cannot excuse him from the game. This is just unacceptable behaviour."

Botak captain Jain added:" This is not right. Prostitution is a no no in botakgang. We cannot condone such behaviour. Massage with special is acceptable because you can never fully comprehend what a special is but even by my standards this is wrong. I hope that sombody will do somthing about this a soon because I am sharing a shower with some of these guys and I don't need to have STDs spreading around. We are talking about prostituition right?"

With all the recent controversy surrounding the Botaks, Mian-rinho is left to ponder to what extent has the spirit and morale of his team been destabilised. The only joyous news that has floated through the gates of Botak Trafford in recent weeks was the imprisonment of Botak forward Choo for 10 years after the striker was found to be the perpetrator behind the blood-curdling death threats written to one of the blog's writers.

Malnutritioned Botaks Du and Teoh were unanimous in their approval of Choo's 10 year exile, especially a visibly shruken Ah Du who has hardly had a proper days meal since meeting Choo.

"Its been hard to have any food around that guy. Team lunches end up being like war rationing with him around. I just hope that I can eat my first full bowl of rice now that he is in jail. With him there the new death penalty might just be changed to death by starvation."


Has Chong spoken his final words as a Botak? What colour are Choo's nails? Is the hot writer Bradd Pitt? Will Mian-rinho be able to keep his job? Does Choo have a sweaty buttock from wearing multiple underwear? Will the missing Botak players be found? Is Abu eating non-Halal nasi lemak? How many lungs does Choo have? All this and more on the next edition of BOTAKNEWS PRIMETIME.

Disclaimer: All above mentioned characters were entirely fictional and total remorsefulness to anyone affected by the above story.

Tuesday, November 21, 2006
12:52 AM

Go to this link to see my Groups Creative thinking Project... haha probably won't make much sense. But Hey JUDITH, your brother is in it! haha...

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=nX3YqlNB6dc


Also, go to youtube and search FAMILY GUY POPEYE.... haha

Mian

Sunday, November 19, 2006
12:47 PM

Ok Guys this is damn funny. Muslim frens pls dun be offended its more of a joke on the guy.
If you dun have a yahoo usename and password use the one below to view the files. Use quicktime to watch think windows media player and realplayer cant stream.
username:teoh0049
password:shaunteoh7
http://groups.yahoo.com/group/botakgang/files/

Friday, November 17, 2006
1:00 PM

Choo Retires From International Football

After the recent furore regarding his problems off the field, Botak forward Choo announced his retirement from international football at the ripe old age of 21 at a recently held press conference. His ascendence to the pinacle of football has been hindered by multiple non-football-related injuries (which include ear fattening and elbow dislocation from pull-ups) and numerous off-the-field controversies, causing him to not only be pushed to the bottom of the pecking order of first team strikers at Botakgang, but also to be overlooked on numerous occasions for an international call up.

In the released statement, a dejected Choo expressed his disappointment at having to make such a decision, citing club committments as the main reason behind his retirement, although the majority of the public believe that his fight for gay rights might have some implication with regards to the matter. It is also believed that Choo found it hard to relinquish those even-more-than-all-you-can-eat buffet vouchers provided to national team players.

"I hope the fans will understand my current position, but fighting for my place in Botakgang is my priority now. It is every players' dream to don his country's colours and attain international glory and who knows what the future may hold, I may come out of retirement if the need arises."

Botak player manager Mian-rinho is also full of support for his 13th choice striker. "Choo has been extremely unfortunate so far in a career which has been plighted by all these absurd injuries. A lesser man would not have such courage to admit he is not good enough for the national team and cling on to any final hopes of being picked. But Choo is one of those guys who will never back down from a challenge.......unless a cheese sandwhich is involved."

"You just have to look at the boy in training or during a match. He will run his lungs out for the full 5 minutes he is on the pitch before being asked to be substituted. The fatigue shown on his face when he is walking off the pitch and the body language shows what a fighter of a player he is."

This announcement however, has come as a shock to many as Choo was never in contention for an international call up in the first place. Rumours are flying that this is a publicity stunt by the aging forward in the hope of emulating his team mate Du in getting a lucrative sponsorship deal from Sookeeee Jewellery. Members of the public are disgruntled by the fact that Choo is putting his celebrity lifestyle ahead of his footballing committments.

Chairman of The Footballing Association of Singapore said:" I would like to thank Choo for his frank assessment of his own abilties but what would people think of our national football team if every Tom, Dick and Choo just decided to say he would like to retire from international football? It would be disastrous if we don't have any crappy players in the team to put the blame on just in case we do not do well in any competition."

Botak captain Jain however was full of support for Choo's decision:" I am full of support for Choo's decision."

Choo was also able to find someone who shared the same sentiments as him in rich and realistic winger Du. The tigerish tormentor of full backs had this to say:" I can fully empathise with Choo. Your club pays for your wages not the national football team. There is nothing to play for but pride. I might as well play the game on a playstation."


Has Chong spoken his final words as a Botak? What colour are Choo's nails? Is the hot writer Bradd Pitt? Will Mian-rinho be able to keep his job? Does Choo have a sweaty buttock from wearing multiple underwear? Will the missing Botak players be found? Is Abu eating non-Halal nasi lemak? How many lungs does Choo have? All this and more on the next edition of BOTAKNEWS PRIMETIME.

Disclaimer: All above mentioned characters were entirely fictional and total remorsefulness to anyone affected by the above story.

2:56 AM

Botak Stars Uproar! Writer receives Death Threats!

In recent weeks, maligned Botak stars have expressed intense fury and distress at reports which they claim have been fabricated out of thin air. In a period of unbearable tension, fans and staff alike are afraid matters might boil over and lead to the eventual disintegration of the team.

During an emotional outburst which increased speculation that he might have seen his last days at the club, a livid Chong exclaimed:" I hate it when what I say is taken out of context. My views and beliefs have been completely skewed."

Chong also claimed that being the star player in his IVP team he has to be around for everyone of their games and does not mind every Botak member throwing shit at him as a punishment for his absence.

Botak forward Choo was also unforgiving in his assessment of the recent reports regarding his antics off and on the field:" I don't understand how the reporters could come up with the idea of me playing with grass by the sidelines. I thought it was clear for all to see that I was putting on my nail polish. So far these guys have been producing one absurd story after another. Why don't I see them reporting about me fighting actively for gay rights or my participation in the Flush-the-Toilet campaign. The only report so far with the slightest hint of truth is the one where I chose a fine over a lunch punishment. And even so it wasn't entirely true, the punishment was 3 days of lunch not 2."

After the recent run of results, a demoralised Mian-rinho also found it hard to rally his subjects:" The boys are suffering, with the recent results I don't know how much longer we can last before we start playing frisbee instead of soccer. It would really help if our richest player Du would treat us to a Sakae sushi buffet."

In other stories out of Botak Trafford, the writer responsible for these reports is supposedly receiving death threats, with some of the prime suspects believed to be Botak stars. Police investigations are currently underway to identify the source of these threats. The prime supects were contacted over MSN using emoticons in an attempt to protect the identity of the high profile Botaks who were questioned. They are believed to be a goalkeeper and a fat striker.

In a recent interview the very scared writer said:" The threats are very explicit and scary. In one of the letters he threatened to show me his hairy tummy and squash me with his very fat ear. I was shocked that anyone could think of such contorted ways to torture a living, breathing human being."

The still very scared writer added:" I hope that he understands that I have sworn an oath on reporting nothing but the truth when I joined Botakgang.Blogspot as a writer. He will just have to accept the fact that sometimes the truth is ugly."

Despite this it is believed that the writer's bravery in the face of adversity has earned him hoards of female fans.

A very chio female fan had this to say:" I believe a very hot and sexy guy lies behind those words of truth and wisdom. Anyone who has such a strong desire to bring the truth to the people despite the danger has my fullest support."

Has Chong spoken his final words as a Botak? What colour are Choo's nails? Is the hot writer Bradd Pitt? Will Mian-rinho be able to keep his job? Does Choo have a sweaty buttock from wearing multiple underwear? Will the missing Botak players be found? Is Abu eating non-Halal nasi lemak? How many lungs does Choo have? All this and more on the next edition of BOTAKNEWS PRIMETIME.

Disclaimer: All above mentioned characters were entirely fictional and total remorsefulness to anyone affected by the above story.

Sunday, November 12, 2006
12:59 AM

I know by writing this post, I'm going to attract ridicule, anger, sarcasm and maybe other remarks from the rest. But I am going to write it anyway.

I want to explain my recent absence from games. I've been absent for a total of 3 games now, which in my opinion aren't a lot (most of us have missed the same amount of games in the past ayway), but because we are not playing very often now, it seems a lot. Out of the three, 2 were sunday games, one was a saturday game.

I'll explain the Saturday game first. I have floorball trainings on Saturdays. And I have mentioned it before that I won't be able to play on Saturdays because of training. And especially now is the IVP selections period, I can't miss training. So Saturday games, I definitely cannot make it. It's not only for botakgang matches. I skip everything on Saturdays for training. Family stuff, birthday celebrations, whatever. It's a commitment I made.

The sunday games. I've missed one of them because of Celest's party. I know that's a very personal reason. But I've promised her since eons ago that I will be there for her party. I just cannot absent myself at the last minute. It's not very right to do so I believe, especially since I told her very long ago I'll be there. And I did inform early that I definitely can't turn up. The other game was missed because of a soccer IVP game. Ok. That was a big mistake on my part. I will take anything you throw at me for that because I certainly do not value the soccer IVP team over botakgang. I'm sorry for that.

I've explained myself. I just want to say something here. I've ALWAYS turned up for matches when I could. I missed half of my hall match to rush down for a botaks game last time. I would take a cab to rush to the game and then another cab to rush to somewhere else if I have to, but I always turned up when I could. I don't think anyone can say that I didn't do that. I know I've missed some games recently, and I've not exactly produced stellar performances every single match I played. But I did try my best. Every game.

Therefore, I feel a little sad now. I feel like just because I've missed a few games recently, I've been branded a non commital idiot.

I've said my piece. You can throw any shit at me now.

Friday, November 10, 2006
4:28 PM

MANCHESTER -- Manchester United have confirmed an interest in Singaporean winger Ah Du.

Reports that the 21-year-old was due to have a training stint with the Premier League leaders were initially dismissed by United.

However, a spokesman for the club confirmed on Thursday that United were trying to sort out arrangements to bring Ah Du over to Old Trafford from Singapore, where he plays for Botak FC.

Confirmation of a trial spell is expected to come later this week.

The Straits Times reported on Wednesday that Ah Du had been given permission by Botak FC to train with Manchester United for two weeks later this month.

Once seen as key to the future of the Singaporean game, the Singapore-born winger became the richest player to represent the Botaks when he made his debut against Some-China-Team in a friendly in St. Francis in January, aged 16.

Wednesday, November 08, 2006
1:38 PM

Mian-rinho Mess!!!

Botak player manager Mian-rinho is facing grim times as the Botaks slumped to their fourth defeat in 5 matches, with the most recent match being a 5-1 massacre by Poly Team. The club's board room have so far stated their faith in Mian-rinho's abilities and have dismmised any claims that Mian-rinho will be replaced any time soon but rumours are flying that the match against Poly Team might have been his last game in charge.

Many of the club's supporters feel that Mian-rinho has so far lacked the managerial instict possessed by former Botak greats such as Sir Bobby Botak and Baldy McMelon. Touted by many as the best young manager in the leauge, Mian-rinho has so far failed to live up to the high standards expected of him by the public. Many fans have gone as far as to label him as the worst manager in Botak history.

Of the many disputable decisions that Mian-rinho has made, the most glaring errors include the signing of the world's most corrupted goalie Abu for a club record of 2 bowls of mee reebus and the sale of center back Robo-Liang to Arsenal. Many pundits are also questioning his team selctions starting with the employment of captain Jain as a central midfielder instead of a center back. The most worrying sign is his refusal to use Choo as the team's cheer leader despite many of the Botaks admitting that seeing Choo dancing by the sidelines with Pom Poms in a mini-skirt would definitely do much to boost the team's morale.

Rumours out of the Botak camp is that Mian-rinho has lost the respect of many of the senior members of the team after questioning the size of their manhood, leading to widespread rage amongst the players and unnecessary media focus on the players privates. Players and fans alike are shaken by recent reports that Mian-rinho thinks about the size of his players' dicks in his free time before making team selections.

Very rich winger Du roared with anger at a recent interview:"I can't believe he said if I don't reply to his SMS in 10 minutes I have a small dick. What if my phone is on silent mode? This is preposterous. Anyway I intentionally replied after 15 minutes and I haven't seen any results as yet."

The Botaks most well endowed player Jain claimed:" As our manager he should be more sensitive to the feelings of some our less fortunate counterparts. Unless everybody is like me, they would take this SMS to heart. The recent run of results show that the players have been greatly affected by the comments on their dicks, espcially those who really have below average penises."

Viewers have noted that keeper Chong's recent performances haven't been very convincing.

Botak forward Choo who recently revealed he now wears 2 pairs of underwear since the incident was also significantly disturbed:" Now even when I pee I feel like I am being watched. The pressure at having your family jewels scutinized is unbearable. I don't think that my dick warrants more media attention than the dick of the man next to me. Every dick has equal rights, it's just wrong to pratice favouritism among dicks."


Will Mian-rinho be able to keep his job? Does Choo have a sweaty buttock from wearing multiple underwear? Will the missing Botak players be found? Is Abu eating non-Halal nasi lemak? How many lungs dos Choo have? Is there a clash of egos going on between the FA and Botakgang? Will Nokolos still be allowed to wear his WIG for the next match? Will Choo be Sookeeee's new spokesperson?All this and more on the next edition of BOTAKNEWS PRIMETIME.

Disclaimer: all above mentioned characters were entirely fictional and total remorsefulness to anyone affected by the above story.

Tuesday, November 07, 2006
10:25 PM

On Behalf of BOTAKGANG Management and The Brudders:

HAPPY 21st BIRTHDAY NICH!

---Mian-rinho---

Monday, November 06, 2006
1:19 PM

Botak Stars MISSING!!!

In Saturday's grudge match against Poly Team a significant number of Botak members went missing and have yet to be found. Many are believed to have been abducted by aliens or captured by booby traps set up by the opposition.

The disappearance of the Botak players meant the team was playing with 8 men for most of the game in which they narrowly lost by the slightest of margins - 5-1. Such were the dire straits of the team, they even considered getting creative dirctor Michelle Wong, who was seated in the VIP stands, to stand in as their center back.

Before the kick-off Botak manager Mian-rinho loudly exclaimed to the heavens:" This is damn stupid la. I have no players. I might as well cancel the match. Why are you late? Why are you late? Why are you late?"

The final straw for the manager came when he caught Botak striker Choo playing with grass while the other 7 players were already on the pitch. Mian-rinho went on to suffer from an epileptic fit.

The Botaks' problems were compounded by the fact that their on loan keeper Abu had received a bribe of 2 packets of nasi lemak from the opposition. Fifa are currently conducting investigations into whether the nasi lemak was Halal. If found guilty Abu could be slapped with a fine of playing as keeper for the rest of his career.

Despite being 3 men down for majority of the game, the Botaks put up a brave fight and could have even won the game if not for wasteful finishing. Team captain Jain, whose penalty almost killed a lady staying on the 2nd storey of block 415 was full of praise for his team mates:" I think everybody performed to the best of their abilities. We showed true Botak spirit out there. Apart from Abu, Hatta, Melvin, Mian, Choo, Alex, Teoh and KS, I think the rest of the team played exceptionally well."

Lone striker for the day Choo who astonishingly managed to play for almost 3 quaters of the game game claimed:" I think most of us ran our heart and lungs out for team. What a work out. I think I might have lost 10kg. *Cough* *Cough*"

Intensive searches are still being carried out to locate Choo's missing lung.

However the most damning verdict of the day came from Mian-rinho:" I am greatly disappointd by the level of committment shown by the players. This is highly irresponsible behaviour from players who are supposed to be professionals. It is unacceptable that I rush down in a taxi for a match only to find that more than half of my players are abducted by aliens. Being seasoned profssionals I expect them to be prepared for alien invasions, terrorists attacks, natural disasters, calls of nature and anything that can possibly be thrown at them. As a deterrent I will ban all the missing players from the following game, even if it means we play with 8 men again."

Will the missing Botak players be found? Is Abu eating non-Halal nasi lemak? How many lungs dos Choo have? Is the BOTAK'S on-loan striker Keith able to fly with all this haze? Is there a clash of egos going on between the FA and Botakgang? Will Nokolos still be allowed to wear his WIG for the next match? Will Choo be Sookeeee's new spokesperson?All this and more on the next edition of BOTAKNEWS PRIMETIME.

Disclaimer: all above mentioned characters were entirely fictional and total remorsefulness to anyone affected by the above story.



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