hey guys.... hows everyone's prelims..... haha.... juz a week or 2 more only..... everyone must hang in there and survive ok!!!
actually..... i'm here because i'm rather irritated.... haha... maybe its exam stress.... perhaps it is a process which we call "growing up"....... i dunno..... i went to check the dictionary juz now on a word which i knew little of juz now.....( pai seh... my vocab is not very good ).... sanguine..... the funny thing is that i always thought that it meant the same thing as melancholy....... haha..... but i am enlightened..... sanguine, on dictionary.com, means a cheerful and optimistic outlook...... ( ok jain?... following?... haha)
if that is the case..... then i may describe myself as having a sanguine personality..... for its been a long time since i was last depressed..... i mean.... i could never find reasons enough to fill me with sadness....... life is always full of interesting things..... SOCCER..... BOTAKs..... i cannot even come close to grasping the meaning of the word melancholy....... Interesting enough, when the Pope in the Vatican City found out that his Pastors from around the world have been involved in sexual activities with young church boys, his famous reply was.... " I am saddened....." In a twist of ironical fate....right now...i too am saddened...... ( no no..... don't get me wrong i wasn't molested by any pastors don't worry.......)
why? there is no simple one line explaination..... lets juz say that age has caught up with me.....
in my last 1 plus years at Hwa Chong Junior College... ( yes yes the school which still instils communist idealogy... ), i have learnt a great many things.... how to do binomial expansions..... how mitosis and meiosis works..... haha..... stuff like that......
As much as i disliked coming to HCJC in the first 3 months of last year.....right now i begin to feel that it has been ( for me and shaun ).... the ideal choice.... As former RI boys..... i think u would all agree with me that RI environment.... though fun and neat and squeaky clean on the surface.... there exists a conniving side to some of the more superficial friendships...... but RI was not as bad..... i gather from most of the botaks at RJ that this situation is worst there..... well..... i am not in a position to comment... but again thats wat i gather.... THE only reassurance that i have is that at least the BOTAKS are staying true to themselves and to each other..... that is so important..... that we are TRUE to each other and not hypocrites........ well..... as we get older..... we begin to lose this innocence.... thus.... the reason why i say that HCJC is the correct choice was that for the last one plus years.... HCJC has slowed down shaun and my decay of innocence.... it has retained in us wat little innocence we had.... made us see wat innocence is really all about.....
innocence...... that we may see the truth behind things.... see the real "MATTERS of Consequence"......
the story of the little prince ( please go read it guys ) had it that one day he was on his journey to a small planet.... and he saw a businessman doing his accounts..... when the little prince asked wat he was doing... he simply said that he was doing "Matters of Consequence"...... he said he was counting the number of stars there are out there.... and said that he owned them.... he has been doing that for all his life.... without doing anything else.... because it was the matter of upmost importance....... Perhaps we are like that as we become older..... but i don't wanna lose the innocence of seeing an elephant within a boa constrictor..... or the sheep in the box.
with whatever remaining innocence left in me..... i suddenly had another insight.....
those pple in 4a u should remember Chen Pei Fu our chinese teacher..... remember he said that the younger generation of pple are a sad bunch.... because they have no religion...... ( he said in chinese the words ke3 bei1 ) i must.... with all respect to all religions and Mr Chen, differ.......
religion has always been part of my life.... when i was younger.. i was in a methodist school... so i prayed every single day and went to boys brigade to praise the lord on saturdays... i also went to temples on sundays with my parents and grandparents to burn offerings to Buddha... i basically thought that all religions are good..... to be respected.... because they teach us to be good....... Perhaps as one grows older.. his ideals of faith changes... he loses sight of wat is the fundamental of that religion...... loses innocence..... and strays from the original path which he had devoted to adhere to....
wat makes me sad is that these pple regard themselves religious pple.... strong in faith.... and my main concern is that Hypocrisy springs from every corner of their lives.... Hypocrisy which they cannot see....... Hypocrisy which they are Unwilling to see....... Talking to such pple about such things vex me greatly..... and the last i tried i could only afford spurts of mindless laughter to fill in the silence after they had finished about their theology. they might have thought i was a little dumb or slow in the mind or something.... and they may even have the impression that i wasn't thinking hard enough about wat they said.........
But i laughed........ because i could have easily dispelled every single theory they had to offer...... for they were brimming with hypocrisy so evident that even a child could discern....... Still..... i couldn't bear to dispel what they believe so strongly.... couldn't bear to argue with them for they are my friends..... SO..... i laughed.......
what saddened me even more was that i was accused of not thinking enough.... and was rash in my decision..... ( what differentiates pple from animals is the ability to think.....) that was vaguely wat i was told...... but i am no orator...and i couldn't respond to them at that moment........ that is why i took my time to type this entry on exactly wat i wanted to express.... for i believe i am more gifted at writing than at speaking wats on my mind.....
( hopefully by some twist of fate that the intended readers of this entry will stumble upon the botakgang blog.... )
that is why i think authors of children books are the least hypocritical pple around... they take their time to write what they want..... and they appeal to children...... which is indication that they have, in a way, imbued their innoncence into the books...... i like Roald Dahl......
to sum everything up..... i'm not here to gather sympathy from all my fellow botaks..... i am sad... but will get over it.....
I am here, spending 2 hours of my precious studying time.... because i feel it is a "MATTER of CONSEQUENCE" that i share my insights with u guys....... in time... i hope i am able to make my peace with GOD ...... and make peace with myself.......... and when my time comes... i hope i will have no regrets when facing him.....
---mian---